According to Albus
by The moon is made of cheese
Summary: "Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy I am sorry for publicly announcing your love life"-Albus When Albus decided to create a Hogwarts newspaper the teachers should have been worried. It soon transformed into a tabloid after Lily decided to 'help'. And what's the biggest current scandal? The recent moments de passion between Rose and Scorpius.
1. Chapter 1

Albus decides to create a column 'According to Albus' in Hogwarts' new newspaper I don't own anything apart from Xannvaanna Hopeswood!

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According to Albus –Blue hair suits everyone:

Take it from me, the colour blue looks great on anyone, old, young, male, female- you can't be human and not suit indigo locks.

In my short life I have charmed more hair than Aunty Hermione has burnt cakes. The results of my 'experiments' allow me to claim that the most offensive colour to charm ones hair is blue.  
I believe the association with Ravenclaw is the cause for this negativity. After all I can only assume that no one (bar a nerd) wants to be mistaken for supporting the uptight, boring, book worms. (Sorry Molly).

A note to the Ravenclaws: This report was not actually intended to be a jibe at the fledgling House, it is to merely offer advice to the fellow joker and to suggest reasons for the intense dislike blue hair brings about.

A recent survey I conducted (involving me charming first year's hair blue and asking them their opinions) showed that it is (apparently) less predictable to charm a fellow student's hair blue- most people will go (the typical)bright green or (childish)pink but no one ever thinks of blue! The student body will be impressed with your original idea, your father (the great Harry Potter) will secretly clap you on the back while 'reprimanding'.

Your already awesome life will get even better as your silly little charm brings others together- Andy Pritchard and Clacy Jones got together after he realised "... that blue looks great on Clacy Jones, like really good! Wow Clacy looks great. I'll ask her out…"

Your 'silly' little charm shall also bring the incredible Xannvaanna Hopes-wood into your life. After all it was only a matter of time that she noticed my brilliant spell work for what is truly was.

There **will** be mixed emotions about the hair. There will be **anger** from the now blue haired class mate, but praise from the entertained class mates. You must remember that everything you do has consequences-some good, some bad. You must weigh up the options-are you really ready to (potentially) lose friends in exchange for fame and fortune? If you're at the point where you believe that you have the strength and determination to change your life - do it. Step up to the plate and charm hair till you're exhausted and on the verge of collapsing

If you are planning on charming someone's hair- change your life- charm it blue.  
XOXO According to Albus.

A small note to the avid charmer: Using bright blue hair on a girl is a great idea, and a light blue (baby blue) on a boy will also create the desired effect of complete and utter embarrassment.

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A/N This chapter is just a teaser-just to see the response


	2. Chapter 2

According to Albus- Slytherins are Stupid

This week I managed to get an interview with the busy Head Boy and Girl.

Bravo to me! Before we move onto my interview, here is my super amazing thought of the week!

Slytherins are stupid:

Now before you get your knickers in a twist, this dramatic claim has relevant proof behind it. Slytherins are in fact stupid. Don't believe me? Let us take Crabbe and Goyle from my father's(my father is** the** Harry Potter) time. They** barely** passed all their school exams and a heavy some of money was donated to ensure that they weren't held back. The only thing they seemed to be good at was following Malfoy around. In fact they had no brains and so were stupid that just putting one foot in front of another following Mr Malfoy's ferrety head exhausted their menial brains. Which raises the question why they were allowed in Hogwarts in the first place?

The answer came from the majestic portrait of Albus Dumbledore. Apparently Hogwarts does not care at all about the intelligence of its students which means that as long as you are a witch or wizard you can be completely stupid (as the example above shows) and still attend Hogwarts. The outlook for Hogwarts is bleak.

Interview with the heads: Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy:

A: So was it a shock when you became Head Boy and Head Girl?

R: Well, (laughs) I always thought I had a good chance, but was never completely sure I that I was going to become Head Girl. There's a lot of competition in our year.

S: Yes, of course I would! There was no one else that even had a chance. (sniggers)

R: Stop being such a idiot Malfoy. Albus would have been head boy if he hadn't been so busy being Quidditch Captain! (Tosses head is a distinguished manner)

Rose:1 Malfoy:0

S: Yes I agree Albus is the most _awesome person ever_!(Some things have been slightly edited)

A: Malfoy, you _lovely person_. What's it like being a head?

R: Well I find it extremely fun; it's great being able to organize school functions and things like that. It's also great to be able to listen to the student body's problems and help fix them.

S: ... Well it's boring but it helps when picking up _chicks_(for the older generation _chicks_ means girls)

R: Trust you to abuse your power to get dates!

S: Well Rosie aren't we jealous

Rose:1 Malfoy:1

Editor's note: Rose hexed Malfoy

Rose:2 Malfoy:1

A: So Malfoy you're feeling alright I trust? Good. Now, do you have anything special events planned in the near future?

R: Well, we have planned a muggle superhero themed party for the whole school!

S: It's such a stupid idea, it was all Weasley's

A: Shut up Malfoy or she will hex you again.

R: So anyway the party is going to be in July sometime and we want as many people to attend and possible. Malfoy is extremely excited; he can't wait to wear his Batman costume

Rose:3 Malfoy:1

A: Last question, now this has been sent in by Miss Lily Potter: Did the spontaneous kiss in the common room mean anything?

R: What… What are you talking about? (looks guilty)

S: I'm outa here see you later '_awesome_' people (had to be censored)

The interview stopped here sadly but I am pleased to report that the kiss was real so could Marget Kengil, Steven Usyal, Johnson MacDonald, Catlin Douedde, Fern Habbagonche, Butch Smith, Hugo Weasley, Genia Zabinni, James Potter and Fred Weasley please give me the agreed amount of eleven sickles each before Thursday.

Unpaid bets will be followed up by my Auror father (Harry Potter- just in case you forgot).

So for all of you gossiping about this change in relationship it was obviously going to come- Lily said so. Now the super hero party is going to be great! The shortest dress will win eleven sickles and a date with yours truly, courtesy of this column.

And this report is According to Albus


End file.
